Had a while to sit and read Private Eye yesterday, the UK's best selling current affairs magazine.
Lots of stories about corruption, lies and backstabbing … and that was just the bit about Eastenders.
A number of bank related stories caught my eye too, starting with a dig at Lord Walker's report on corporate governance in the banking system:
"The government has asked me to produce what I have described as 'a draconian crackdown' on banking practices following the disastrous loss of confidence in the entire banking system.
"As Chairman of Gnoman Sachs, with many decades of experience at the top of the financial sector, I am uniquely placed to understand the harsh but necessary measures that banks will in future be required to implement in order to restore that confidence.
"First, all banks must think very long and hard before awarding senior management bonuses in excess of six figures.
"Second, in order to implement the above, my guidelines lay down that if banks choose to ignore the above, then punitive sanctions will be introduced in the year 2050.
"Third, we must recall that the payment of bonuses may give a strong and clear signal to the public that the banking sector is making a full recovery and, therefore, the most effective way to restore public confidence is to award enormous bonuses to everyone working at senior positions in the sector."
As Lord Walker pointed out, only experienced bankers should run banks:
Then there was "stupid letter of the week" from HBOS to one of their customers.
"The missive received by Eye reader John Oliver … started badly, citing 'you're number' [sic] followed by, er, the wrong number. The letter began, 'I refer your letter regarding …' and the grammatical horrors continued, as customer relatoins manager Anne Wilson wrote that she had 'arranged to have the charge reversed of and you account closed.' "
So what Eye? Do we need grammar to write or are you fighting for the right of grammar? Whatever …
And finally, a reader had sent in a picture of the National Bank of Greece:
I didn't really see the point of that … until it dawned on me that "NBG" is colloquial UK slang for "No Bloody Good".