Home / Humour / Holiday Humour #1: New Stock Market Terms

Holiday Humour #1: New Stock Market Terms

The Finanser is on holiday until 7th September but will be posting
the odd thing here every now and then. 

By odd, we mean very odd, with
a mixture of news, views and lots of jokes about banking. 

Therefore,
every morning, you'll wake up for the next two weeks with a little bit
of financial fun, courtesy of our absent host.

Today, we begin with a little education in post credit crunch financial terminology.

BULL MARKET

A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET

Another random market movement causing months where the children get no allowance, the wife gets no jewellery, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING

The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO

The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER

How much broker my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR

Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST

The idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT

When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER

A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION

The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW

The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

PROFIT

An archaic word no longer in use.

*

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About Chris M Skinner

Chris M Skinner
Chris Skinner is best known as an independent commentator on the financial markets through his blog, the Finanser.com, as author of the bestselling book Digital Bank, and Chair of the European networking forum the Financial Services Club. He has been voted one of the most influential people in banking by The Financial Brand (as well as one of the best blogs), a FinTech Titan (Next Bank), one of the Fintech Leaders you need to follow (City AM, Deluxe and Jax Finance), as well as one of the Top 40 most influential people in financial technology by the Wall Street Journal’s Financial News. To learn more click here...

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