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Things a banker says, and what they really mean

I know we see these things all the time – what someone says and what they really mean – but I haven’t seen many for bankers, so here’s a few that I’ve encountered over the years, and my interpretation.

What they say:

“You’re good for this loan?”

What they mean:

You look like a hobo.

What they say:

“Do you have any collateral?”

What they mean:

You still look like a hobo, but more like a hobo that’s a no-good hobo.

What they say:

“Our bank is easy to do business with”

What they mean:

We don’t have the same out-dated processes and practices as all the other ones.

What they say:

“I can get you a decision on that post haste”

What they mean:

Maybe I’ll get back to you next week.

What they say:

“What a refreshing idea”

What they mean:

There’s no way our compliance and audit will go for this.

What they say:

“Regulations make this difficult”

What they mean:

There’s no way our compliance and audit will go for this.

What they say:

“There’s no way our compliance and audit would go for this”

What they mean:

I daren’t even ask them.

What they say:

“This is a great technology, we must use it”

What they mean:

Not interested.

What they say:

“We tried this and it was interesting”

What they mean:

There’s no way this is coming back in here again.

What they say:

“Who else is using this?”

What they mean:

Might be interested if you can name me someone bigger than us who’s using it.

What they say:

“If they are doing this, then it makes sense for us”

What they mean:

Oh, they’re using it?  We better use it too then.

What they say:

“Have you spoken with so-and-so about this?”

What they mean:

If you’ve gone anywhere near my boss behind my back, I’m going to kill you.

What they say:

“I’m committed to this and will get back to you”

What they mean:

Don’t call me, and I probably won’t call you.

What they say:

“Do you have an order form with you?”

What they mean:

If not, then you can leave now; if you do, don’t be so presumptuous.

What they say:

“Can I sign the contract right here, right now?”

No, you’ll never hear that one.

 

 

About Chris M Skinner

Chris M Skinner
Chris Skinner is best known as an independent commentator on the financial markets through his blog, the Finanser.com, as author of the bestselling book Digital Bank, and Chair of the European networking forum the Financial Services Club. He has been voted one of the most influential people in banking by The Financial Brand (as well as one of the best blogs), a FinTech Titan (Next Bank), one of the Fintech Leaders you need to follow (City AM, Deluxe and Jax Finance), as well as one of the Top 40 most influential people in financial technology by the Wall Street Journal’s Financial News. To learn more click here...

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