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The Gruffalbank

My children are big fans of The Gruffalo.

If you’re not familiar with The Gruffalo, it’s the story about a mouse who might get eaten by threatening creatures like a Fox, an Owl or a Snake, but makes up a fictional character who could actually eat them instead. The fictional character, the Gruffalo, turns out to be real. Anyways, in my version of the story, it’s a consumer who is the mouse, and the predators are a phisher (the Fox), a cybercriminal (the Owl) and a hacker (the Snake), whilst the Gruffalo is now  the bank’s automated security protection system, the Gruffalbank!

Here we go …

 

A mouse took a click on the deep, dark web

A Fox saw the mouse and the mouse looked dead.

So, the Fox asked the mouse:

Where are you going to, little brown mouse?

Come and click here on my middleman house!

“It’s kind of you Fox, but no thanks,

I’m going to report you to the Gruffalbanks.”

A Gruffalbank?  What’s a Gruffalbank?

“A Gruffalbank? Why, didn’t you know?

It has real-time alerts and a protection clause,

That means its managers will make you pause.”

Where are you meeting him?

“Here by these locks,

And his favourite action is to roast a Fox.”

Roast a Fox? I’m off, Fox said.

Goodbye little mouse, and away he sped.

“Silly old Fox! But I must thank,

That I’m protected by the Gruffalbank.”

 

On went the mouse through the deep dark web.

An Owl saw the mouse, and the mouse looked dead.

Where are you going to, little brown mouse?

Come and have a log into my dark web house.

“It’s terribly kind of you, Owl, but no thanks –

I’m going to have to log you with the Gruffalbanks.”

A Gruffalbank?  What’s a Gruffalbank?

“A Gruffalbank!  Why, didn’t you know?

He has artificial intelligence and amazing code,

And a link to Interpol to burden your load.”

Where are you meeting him?

“Here, by this online stream,

And his favourite action is to turn an Owl into cream.”

Owl into cream? Toowhit toowhoo!

Goodbye little mouse, and away Owl flew.

“Silly old Owl!  But I must thank,

That I’m protected by the Gruffalbank?”

 

On went the mouse through the deep dark web.

A Snake saw the mouse, and the mouse looked dead.

Where are you going to, little brown mouse?

Let me in for a chat in your internet house.

“It’s terribly kind of you, Snake, but no thanks –

I’m having a chat with the Gruffalbanks.”

A Gruffalbank?  What’s a Gruffalbank?

“A Gruffalbank!  Why, didn’t you know?

His systems are secure, his software is bullet-proof,

He has cement on his servers and an army on his roof.”

Where are you meeting him?

“Here, by this data lake,

And his favourite action is to scramble a Snake.”

Scramble a Snake!  It’s time I hid!

Goodbye, little mouse, and away Snake slid.

“Silly old Snake!  But I must thank,

That I’m protected by the Gruffalbank?”

 

THE END

 

 

POSTSCRIPT:

Just in case you didn’t get it, didn’t you know?

There’s no such thing as a Gruffalo … or a Gruffalbank!

 

This story was inspired by this headline:

Russian hackers hack Iranian hackers to hack America and everywhere else

 

… and if you liked that then you’ll love this …

Produced by Emirates NBD and Dubai Police

About Chris M Skinner

Chris M Skinner
Chris Skinner is best known as an independent commentator on the financial markets through his blog, TheFinanser.com, as author of the bestselling book Digital Bank, and Chair of the European networking forum the Financial Services Club. He has been voted one of the most influential people in banking by The Financial Brand (as well as one of the best blogs), a FinTech Titan (Next Bank), one of the Fintech Leaders you need to follow (City AM, Deluxe and Jax Finance), as well as one of the Top 40 most influential people in financial technology by the Wall Street Journal’s Financial News. To learn more click here...

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