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PC Banking

I made a joke the other day about visiting PC World, and you really have to watch what you say in there. Swimming with dolphins, using the word f**k, taking Rule Britannia out of the Proms, using the phrase nitty gritty, the list goes on.

The tippy-toe issues are highlighted brilliantly by this comedy sketch, hosted by a PC (well, DCI to be exact) …

Bear in mind that comedy always has a basis in reality, and you get the idea.

Therefore, I’m introducing a code of correctness for FinTech and Banking. The following words are no longer acceptable to be used in conversation.

Annuity: we only had annuity products and annuity focus when we could not do things in real-time. You need to think in the now, not in a year’s time.

Banking-in-a-box: there’s no such thing.

Bank Statement: who is still getting a bank statement posted to them? Stop it!!!

Bills of Lading: are they related to the Johns of Slough?

Channel: of course, this is #1. I hate the word. It’s soooo last century and goes in the bin with the word tape. You don’t tape record anything in the 2000’s so why are you adding channels.

Check/Cheque: no one should be sending a cheque in the post in the 2020s. Are you a dinosaur?

Cross-sell ratio: yes, you sure do make me cross if you sell credit to me.

Deposit Slip: same as with a cheque, why are you collecting pieces of paper you velociraptor?

Escrow: it’s not escrow anymore. It’s Buy Now, Pay Later.

Flash trading: nothing flash about it. It’s basically bucking the system.

Free banking: nothing in life is free.

Letter of Credit: did you post it with recorded delivery?

Mass Affluent: who are you calling a mass? I am unique! I am an individual! Personalise this please.

Online banking: that’s what we did twenty years ago. Today, it’s called digital banking.

Overdraft charge: it’s not an overdraft charge. It’s a punishment for people who cannot afford banking.

Share-of-wallet: What? You want to steal my wallet and have me share it with you? Get lost!

Teller: The song is ok – tell her that you’re never gonna leave her, tell her that you’re always gonna love her, tell her, tell her, tell her, tell her right now – but tellers are no longer needed in modern banking.

Trader: the flash boy master of the universe has gone into the same bin as the teller in the branch.

Wire transfer: show me this wire. Where is it? Is it like the old box line I used to connect two plastic bottles to create a walkie-talkie with my friend next door? Sounds like it …

I am sure I could add many more, but will leave this one open for you to add your own.

About Chris M Skinner

Chris Skinner is best known as an independent commentator on the financial markets through his blog, TheFinanser.com, as author of the bestselling book Digital Bank, and Chair of the European networking forum the Financial Services Club. He has been voted one of the most influential people in banking by The Financial Brand (as well as one of the best blogs), a FinTech Titan (Next Bank), one of the Fintech Leaders you need to follow (City AM, Deluxe and Jax Finance), as well as one of the Top 40 most influential people in financial technology by the Wall Street Journal’s Financial News. To learn more click here...

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