Apparently, Barclays Bank is so keen to turn a profit that they're changing their real estate into prime property:
you, it's getting so hard to see the value of money these days, that I
was in a lap-dancing club the other day and the guys were tipping the
girls with Luncheon Vouchers.
The credit crunch is
getting bad, isn’t it? I lent my brother a tenner yesterday. It turns
out I’m now Britain’s third biggest lender
I talked to
my bank manager the other day and he said he was going to concentrate
on the big issues from now on. He sold me a copy of one just outside
Bradford & Bingley
employees are dismayed they were given no notice of the takeover by
Santander. A spokesman explained: “Nobody expects the Spanish
Overheard in a City bar: "This credit crunch is worse than a divorce. I've lost half my net worth and I still have a wife."
How the Stock Markets work:
was autumn and the Native American Indians were wondering about the
coming season, so they asked their new Chief if the winter was going to
be very cold or very mild.
Since he was a new Chief, he
wanted to impress them with his wisdom but had no idea how to tell what
the weather was going to be.
Nevertheless, to be on the
safe side, he replied to that the winter was going to be cold and that
the tribe should collect wood to be prepared.
But he also had a great idea.
So he went to the telephone booth a few days later and called the National Weather Service.
the coming winter going to be cold?" he asked. "It looks like this
winter is going to be quite cold," said the meteorologist at the
weather service responded.
So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect more wood.
A week later, he called the National Weather Service again.
"Is it going to be a cold winter?" he asked. "Yes," came the reply, "it's going to be a pretty cold winter."
The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect more wood.
A week later, he called the weather service once more.
"Is it going to be a cold winter?" he asked. "Yes," the weatherman replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter."
time, the Chief went back to the tribe and told them to find every
scrap of wood they could find because it was going to be a bad winter
Two weeks later, he called the National Weather Service just to check.
"Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?" he asked.
"Absolutely", the man replied. "It's going to be one of the coldest winters ever. Very severe."
"How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked.
The weatherman replied, "well it’s obvious. The Indians are collecting wood like crazy."
And then …
How the Bank Bailout works:
Young Hank bought a donkey from a farmer for $100, and the farmer agreed to deliver it to him the next day.
The next day, the farmer arrived and said, “sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died.”
Hank replied, “Well, then just give me my money back.”
The farmer said, “Can't do that, son. I already went and spent it.”
“OK”, says Hank, “just bring me the dead donkey.”
The farmer asked, “What ya gonna do with him, son?”
Hank said, “I'm going to raffle him off.”
The farmer said, “You can't raffle off a dead donkey!”
“Sure I can”, says Hank, “I just won't tell anybody he's dead.”
A month later, the farmer saw Hank and asked, “What happened with that dead donkey, son?”
Hank said, “I raffled him off by selling 500 tickets at two dollars each, and made a profit of $998.”
The farmer said, “Didn't anyone complain?”
Hank said, “Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.”
Now we know why Hank works for the US Treasury.