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How to beat up a Banker

Just found a great new little blog called "How to beat up anything".

It just shows how nutty folks are to come up with such a site.

They even have a guide as to How
To Beat Up an Apple-Throwing Tree From The Film "The Wizard of Oz."


However, as I read the ideas about how to beat up a boxer, an alligator, batman and more, I found it quite therapeutic.  I think because we’ve all been through so much lately, that a good fight in one’s head where you win is nice.

So this blog works.  I then wondered why he hadn’t put in "how to beat up a banker" yet.

Oh yes … it’s because they’ve all been done over by the markets, the regulators, the institutions, the hedge funds, the short sellers, the treasury.

Anyways, in the style of their site, here’s my guide:

A banker is a most difficult opponent to pin down and beat, because they are always moving, dodging, diving and ducking.  So what you have to do is walk into their office with a large suitcase full of cash.  The one thing a banker loves to see is lots of dosh, as this makes you a high net worth client and worth talking to. 

If you don’t have lots of cash, buy a monopoly game (the old style ones that had cash, not Visa cards) and fill the case with monopoly money.  Then put the highest rated banknote of national denomination on top of each stack of monopoly money and put this in the case.

Then, when the bank manager greets you, he or she will always start by shaking your hand and smiling.

This is your chance. 

As they shake your hand, duck your right shoulder down as you make contact and push heavily into their stomach with your shoulder.  This will lift the manager over you in a judo throw and they will probably then concede to any demands you make.

This is for right-handed people by the way.  If you’re left handed, drop your left shoulder.

By the way, please don’t follow these instructions as I don’t want to encourage anyone to try this.

About Chris M Skinner

Chris Skinner is best known as an independent commentator on the financial markets through his blog, TheFinanser.com, as author of the bestselling book Digital Bank, and Chair of the European networking forum the Financial Services Club. He has been voted one of the most influential people in banking by The Financial Brand (as well as one of the best blogs), a FinTech Titan (Next Bank), one of the Fintech Leaders you need to follow (City AM, Deluxe and Jax Finance), as well as one of the Top 40 most influential people in financial technology by the Wall Street Journal’s Financial News. To learn more click here...

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