In a shocking slap-in-the-face to anarchists and anticapitalists everywhere, bankers staged their own candlelit vigil outside the G20 meeting at the Excel Centre overnight.
With all the extremists locked up safely in bed, the bankers gathered in a large crowd chanting things like “we want our bonuses and we want them now”, as well as “bring back Sir Fred, he can be our head”, “We’re browned off with Gordon” and “FSA, sweet FA”.
They were loud, obnoxious and boorish, with several snorting lines of what looked like a stimulus, and not a fiscal one, and all of them drinking heavily …
… everything you expect investment bankers to be in fact.
The police took a quiet position and watched from the sidelines, after the leader of the pack of profligates gave the senior officer in charge a very large envelope.
In fact a few of the officers joined in the singing when, in what
seemed like a spontaneous chorus, the crowd started to sing Pink
Floyd’s, “Another brick in the wall”:
“We don’t need no regulation
We don’t need no bank controls
More dark pools in the trade room
Preachers, leave those boys alone
Hey! Preachers! Leave them boys alone!
All in all you’re just another prick in our ball.”
The rabble rousing went on for quite a while, until one particularly shady character – someone said he was a rough diamond from Barclays – stood up and said, “hey guys, guess what, just signed the contract yesterday. The Excel Centre? It’s all ours!”
With that the group disbanded, with half of them entering the Excel Centre and appearing to join some of the world’s leaders in a continuation of their karaoke night. In fact, I’m sure I heard someone singing that wonderful refrain from the musical Pickwick: “If I ruled the world, every day would be the first day of Spring”, in a heavy Scottish brogue.
Meanwhile, the rest trailed off towards Canary Wharf to start their work for the day.
Shame, as just as they all left the tube dumped off the first of the G20 protestors to find a friendly greeting from the singing officers.
Nothing like a demonstration is there?
p.s. I admit this was an April Fool for those who didn’t spot it!