The Finanser LogoThe Finanser Logo

Chris Skinner's blog

Shaping the future of finance

Holiday Humour #1: New Stock Market Terms

Chris Skinner Author Avatar
by

The Finanser is on holiday until 7th September but will be posting
the odd thing here every now and then. 

By odd, we mean very odd, with
a mixture of news, views and lots of jokes about banking. 

Therefore,
every morning, you'll wake up for the next two weeks with a little bit
of financial fun, courtesy of our absent host.

Today, we begin with a little education in post credit crunch financial terminology.

BULL MARKET

A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET

Another random market movement causing months where the children get no allowance, the wife gets no jewellery, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING

The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO

The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER

How much broker my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR

Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST

The idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT

When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER

A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION

The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW

The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

PROFIT

An archaic word no longer in use.

*

The Finanser is sponsored by Vocalink and Cisco

HumourCategories
Chris Skinner Author Avatar

Chris M Skinner

Chris Skinner is best known as an independent commentator on the financial markets through his blog, TheFinanser.com, as author of the bestselling book Digital Bank, and Chair of the European networking forum the Financial Services Club. He has been voted one of the most influential people in banking by The Financial Brand (as well as one of the best blogs), a FinTech Titan (Next Bank), one of the Fintech Leaders you need to follow (City AM, Deluxe and Jax Finance), as well as one of the Top 40 most influential people in financial technology by the Wall Street Journal's Financial News. To learn more click here...

Best Financial Services Blogger

Chris’s latest book

Chris Skinner’s ‘Digital For Good’ Book Launch Event – CFTE

Global Awards

Best CEO of the Year UK 2022

Best Digital Finance Provider of the Year UK 2022

Best Financial Markets Adviser of the Year UK 2022

Portal to the Knowledge Base of the Financial Services Club UK 2022

Financial Markets Advisor of the Year UK 2022

Corporate America Today Annual Awards

Best Financial Markets Adviser of the Year UK 2022

Portal to the Knowledge Base of the Financial Services Club UK 2022

Financial Markets Advisor of the Year UK 2022

Nominee of MAD33 2021

Kids creating the future bank | TEDxAthens

Join me on Linkedin

Follow Me on Twitter!

UK’s most influential person in technology

Captain Cake and the Candy Crew

Captain Cake Winner of a Golden Mom’s Choice Award

TWO-TIME WINNER OF A MOM’S CHOICE GOLD AWARD!

TheNextWeb – #tnw

Learn more about Chris

About Chris Skinner

Digital Bank Presentation

Digital Bank, May 2014 from Chris Skinner

Alex at the Financial Services

Gaping Void's Hugh MacLeod worked with the Finanser