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Holiday Humour #9: Bankers eat sh*t

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Two investment bankers are walking around Canary Wharf after a fine lunch with several bottles of wine consumed.

As they head back to the office, one notices a dog turd on the pavement and says to the other, "hey Bartholomew", for that is his friend's name.  "I bet you a million quid you won't eat that dog sh*t."

Bartholomew thinks about it, runs the process through his quant and qual tables and realises that he's better off eating it, so he does and takes the money.

Bartholomew is well pleased and, after a few more minutes, sees another huge dog pile on the pavement.

"Darren", for this is his friend's name, "you see that huge turd there" for yes, it is bigger.  "I bet you two million that you won't eat that."

On hearing this Gord, for that is his name, a tarader from a rival bank's prop desk who has overheard the bet shouts: "three million for anyone willing to take on a bet that Dazza (a colloquial way of referring to Darren) won't eat that sh*t."

Gord's co-worker Englebert, for that is his name, agrees stating: "good one Gord.  I'll give you three to one on that and Dazza", for that is not his name but it is near enough, "if you eat that turd I'll give you the other two."

Gord, Englebert and Bartholomew all look well pleased and look at Darren stuidously to see his reaction.

Darren thinks about it and, after a few seconds, realises that he'd be better off eating it so he does and takes the money.

But he does not feel so well pleased and turns to Bartholomew and says, "what are we doing Bartholomew?  We've just had a fantastic lunch at Ubon and now we're eating dog sh*t off the street."

Bartholomew feels a little awkward for about five seconds and then smiles.
"Hey Darren.  It may be true that we're eating dog sh*t off the street but you overlooked one big thing."

Darren looks dumbfounded, so Bartholomew makes him feel better by saying: "hey, we just created nine million pounds worth
of new trading out of nothing but sh*t, and that's gotta be good."

With this realisation, the two went back to the office and managed to created £100 billion market in sh*t before anyone realised what it was they were trading in.


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Chris M Skinner

Chris Skinner is best known as an independent commentator on the financial markets through his blog,, as author of the bestselling book Digital Bank, and Chair of the European networking forum the Financial Services Club. He has been voted one of the most influential people in banking by The Financial Brand (as well as one of the best blogs), a FinTech Titan (Next Bank), one of the Fintech Leaders you need to follow (City AM, Deluxe and Jax Finance), as well as one of the Top 40 most influential people in financial technology by the Wall Street Journal's Financial News. To learn more click here...

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