As we approach euro meltdown (join our webinar with GTNews on Tuesday for more on this), I thought it might be worth listening in to the videocall that took place between Italian Prime Minister Mario Monti, French President Francois Hollande, German Chancellor Angela Merkel, British Prime Minister David Cameron and European Council President Herman Van Rompuy yesterday.
START OF CALL 15:30 GMT 17/05/2012
David Cameron: “Well, welcome to this video call about the euro crisis. I thought we should have this call to try to solve the issues we see in Greece and the potential issues it raises with a euro breakup …”
Angela Merkel: “I thought we called this video call?”
David Cameron: “Actually, it was my undersecretary who rang your …”
Herman Van Rompuy: “Please, please … we need to start this call as we mean to go on with a unifying approach to our euro problems.”
David Cameron: “I’m sorry, who are you?”
Herman: “Herman”.
David: “Well, if you’re her man, then I guess my undersecretary rang you. So did we call this video conference or not?”
Herman: “I’m not her man.”
David: “Well, whose man are you.”
Herman: “No, I’m Herman.”
Mario Monti: “Look Cameron, is easy, he is not her man, your man, or my man, he is Herman.”
David: “You Europeans.”
Francois Holllande: “Monsieur Cameron, let’s move along as we all know you should not be on this call anyway.”
David: “What?”
Francois: “Well, I do not know why you British are even on this call when you are not part of Europe.”
David: “We jolly well are, you know.”
Francois: “You just called us 'Europeans' a minute ago, so you obviously do not think of yourself as European, do you?”
David: “Come on. I enjoy a cappuccino and pain au raisin like the rest of Europe.”
Francois: “That does not make you European, especially when you support le petite Napoleon Sarkozy instead of moi.”
David: !
Angela: “Thank you Herr Hollande, and to the point. What do you think we should do about Greece, the euro and a potential Eurozone breakup.”
Francois: “Why should I tell you, ma mere?”
Angela: “What did you call me?”
Francois: “Mother.”
Angela: “I am not your mother.”
Francois: “Well, don’t they call you mutti in Germany, which means mother does it not?”
Herman: “What has any of this got to do with solving the crisis in the Eurozone.”
Francois: “Well, it could be very important to know who is the mother and who is the father of the euro.”
David: “Oh god.”
Mario: “Look, the main thing that people want is not some sort of family in Europe, but unity. We need political leadership and I think I can bring that to the table.”
Francois: “And how will you do this?”
Mario: “Well, if she is mother mutti then I am father Monti.”
Angela: “Who are you calling a mother?”
David: “Look, stop this. It’s getting us nowhere and we need some form of announcement about how we are going to stem the Greek and Spanish tragedy for the G8 summit at Camp David this weekend.”
Mario: “Yes, I like Camp David.”
Francois: “Oh, I have never been. What’s it like?”
Mario: “It’s a presidential retreat for that tanned guy who leads America.”
David: “Did you just say what I thought you said?”
Mario: “What?”
David: “That Barack Obama is some ‘tanned guy who leads America’.”
Mario: “Yes, so?”
David: “Well, I thought you were different to that chap before you. You cannot say such things in public as it is not politically correct.”
Mario: “And who are you to talk about correctness when you are not correct.”
David: “What?”
Mario: “Well, you veto the European treaty, you make comments about the Eurozone breaking up, you are always against Europe, so how can you even talk to me about correctness?”
Herman: “Look, this call is getting us nowhere. What are we going to do about Greece.”
Francois: “Ah Greece is the word.”
Mario: “Ah yes, it's got groove it's got meaning.”
Francois: “Aha, Greece is the time, is the place is the motion.”
Angela: “That is it!”
Herman: “What?”
Angela: “We can show a unified front by having us all sing the song Greece.”
David: “It’s Grease.”
Angela: “Yes, Greece is the word, is the way we are feeling.”
Mario: “It's got groove it's got meaning.”
Francois: “Greece is the time, is the place is the motion.”
Angela: “Greece is the way we are feeling.”
David: “I’m off.”
Herman: “Me too.”
END OF CALL 16:00 GMT 17/05/2012
16:05
REUTERS:European leaders agree wording for Greece deal
Chris M Skinner
Chris Skinner is best known as an independent commentator on the financial markets through his blog, TheFinanser.com, as author of the bestselling book Digital Bank, and Chair of the European networking forum the Financial Services Club. He has been voted one of the most influential people in banking by The Financial Brand (as well as one of the best blogs), a FinTech Titan (Next Bank), one of the Fintech Leaders you need to follow (City AM, Deluxe and Jax Finance), as well as one of the Top 40 most influential people in financial technology by the Wall Street Journal's Financial News. To learn more click here...
