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My data is my data

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Data ownership is a big battleground. Wanna know why? Check this out:*

A man calls Pizza hut to order a pizza...

CALLER:  Is this Pizza Hut?

GOOGLE:    No sir, it's Google Pizza.

CALLER:  I must have dialed a wrong number, sorry.

GOOGLE:  No sir, Google bought Pizza Hut last month.

CALLER:  OK. I would like to order a pizza.

GOOGLE:  Do you want your usual, sir?

CALLER:  My usual? You know me?

GOOGLE:  According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.

CALLER:  Super! That’s what I’ll have.

GOOGLE:  May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust?

CALLER:  What? I don’t want a vegetarian pizza!

GOOGLE:  Your cholesterol is not good, sir.

CALLER:  How  do you know that?

GOOGLE:  Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.

CALLER:  Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetarian pizza!  I already take medication for my cholesterol.

GOOGLE: Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly.  According to our database, you purchased only a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once at Lloyds Pharmacy, 4 months ago.

CALLER:  I bought more from another Pharmacy.

GOOGLE:  That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.

CALLER: I paid in cash.

GOOGLE:  But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.

CALLER:  I have other sources of cash.

GOOGLE:  That doesn’t show on your latest tax returns unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law!

CALLER:    WHAT THE !!!

GOOGLE:  I'm sorry sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.

CALLER:  Enough already!  I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others.  I'm going to an island without the internet, TV, where there is no phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me.

GOOGLE:  I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago...

 

* shared by Boots and Spurs on Facebook

** Black Mirror episode soon

*** a picture of me with my data

Chris Skinner Author Avatar

Chris M Skinner

Chris Skinner is best known as an independent commentator on the financial markets through his blog, TheFinanser.com, as author of the bestselling book Digital Bank, and Chair of the European networking forum the Financial Services Club. He has been voted one of the most influential people in banking by The Financial Brand (as well as one of the best blogs), a FinTech Titan (Next Bank), one of the Fintech Leaders you need to follow (City AM, Deluxe and Jax Finance), as well as one of the Top 40 most influential people in financial technology by the Wall Street Journal's Financial News. To learn more click here...

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