Focus on needs, not wants

I got this sign the other day, and it really resonated. I guess it resonated as, for nearly all of my life, I’ve had wants. It’s a terrible disease, as needs is far less serious. Wants is that there’s always something you want but cannot have. As a result, you work as hard as you can to get what you want and then, when you’ve got it, you look for the next want.

Wants is bad.

As an older man, I look back and think about the fact that I’ve always been quite well off, but never knew it. The reason I never knew it is that there were always things that cost, and I could never afford them. The mortgage would be a biggie, as would the car purchase, but there are many others. Educating the kids, having a good holiday once or twice a year, paying living bills for energy and insurances, and so on and so forth. Very little was left at the end of each month for pure spending and, what was, went on wants.

Buying rare art and books, investing in crypto, looking at property portfolios and such like became the obsession. As a result, after all these years, I have all those books, investments and more, but does it make you happy? Not really, as the happiest experiences are with family.

With family, you have all you need. That’s why the sign made me think, once more, that life is about making the best of everything you’ve got and not the things you want. In fact, in a similar vein, the law of diminishing returns means that the more you want and get, the less satisfaction. The first time you snag that rare artwork at auction is great! The second time is good. The third time starts a routine. The tenth time, you don’t really care anymore. It’s just for a short adrenalin rush.

This really came home to me recently as I now have two homes: one I don’t want in the UK; and the one where I live in Poland.

The house in the UK is full of all sorts of memorabilia that I collected but, tbh, cannot remember what half of it is. The house in Pioland is full of family memories with my wife and kids, and regular visits from cousins, parents, aunts, uncles and well, family.

What would you rather have: the things you wanted or the family you love?

It all comes back to a conversation I had many years ago when arguing with my then partner about my career focus. I was busting a gut to pay the mortgage and bills and earning enough to just get by. She turned to me halfway through the conversation and said: who do you want to attend your funeral because, at this rate, it won’t be us … will your work colleagues be there?

I guess it’s a similar thought that inspired Charles Dickens to write A Christmas Carol. You can be a Scrooge – a pure money-making work machine with no heart – or you can be a Bob Cratchit, with family and love bursting out of every pore of the house.

Anyways, sorry for this reflective thought, but the holiday season brings home truths. Therefore, in the strict belief that New Year resolutions are never kept, my general aim is to spend more time making memories with my family and friends. What’s yours?

Oh, and I love this ad from Scotiabank shared by a friend in response to this blog ...