Humour

Jan 12, 2016

URGENT: Open this attachment or your account will be suspended

I wake up today with the usual massive dump of emails, two of which looked a bit suspect. The first is from DHL, saying my shipment is cancelled. I don’t use DHL and expect no shipment from them, so delete it. The second is an email from Transport for London with a PDF attachment. It’s…

Nov 27, 2015

Too Big To Change, Seagull Management and The Yes Team

Forget Too Big To Fail (TBTF), the real issue is that the global universal banks built between 1995 and 2015 are Too Big To Change (TBTC). They are changing, but it’s not easy. Think about it. These banks have built themselves up into global powerhouses, operating in over 100 countries and offering everything from retail…

Aug 14, 2015

No-one expects the Spanish Inquisition (unless you call your bank)

I just got a letter from my bank (NatWest). The fraud team wanted to ask me some questions. I wondered why they had sent a letter, which takes a week to arrive, when they urgently needed to talk with me? Anyway, as you can see, they want me to call them about my account…

Jul 15, 2015

How one country gets through six Mount Everests of cash a year!

I’m such a sad banking geek that in my two hours off here in Seoul I ran around to the Bank of Korea’s Money Museum. Yes, I really am that sad but hey, it was near the hotel and the only thing I could do within walking distance apart from shopping. Yes, I really am…

Jul 6, 2015

Something better change

A true story. The year is 1990 I’m travelling and getting the last train home. Arriving at the station, I discover the last train has gone. Darnit. I’m homeless for the night. OK. Let’s find a hotel. I look for the nearest telephone box. Luckily there’s one at the station entrance. In the telephone box,…

Jun 26, 2015

The Top Ten Quotes About Banking Of All Time

One of the social communities I’ve joined was having a discussion about the greatest literati quotations related to banking the other day. It was so good that I thought I would share here, especially as it’s Friday … “Once more into the branch dear friends”, Henry the Fifth Branch Manager, William Shakespeare “We cross our…

Jun 15, 2015

My favourite banking screw up stories

There are so many examples of banks messing up customer accounts around the world that it would be tough to know where to start … except that as I live in Britain, that’s pretty good place to begin. There media here love to regularly report banks messing up, and so here are some of my…

May 7, 2015

Job titles, acronymns and the corporate boa constrictor

So we’re having a meeting the other day and my friend was a little upset. He’d just been promoted in the bank to become the Director of Digital Payments, Innovation and Strategy. We all noted that he was now the lead for DPIS and congratulated him for taking DPIS. For some reason he took offence. …

Apr 30, 2015

If banking were a movie, which movie would it be?

So it’s late at night and we reach that point in the evening where it’s almost embarrassing. I love you man. You’re my best and only friend in the world, y’know what I mean? Having gone past the point of talking about whether the Pope is really a money launderer and Obama is actually a…

Apr 17, 2015

My favourite 419 scam email: Bernie Madoff needs my help

I get a lot of spam and scam email most of which is deleted but, as it's Friday, I thought y'all might appreciate the phish that follows … —–Original Message—– From: Benard Madoff [mailto:midoffnyc@madoff.com] Sent: 08 April 2015 13:54 To: me Subject: Help me Make a difference Hello Dear I am Bernard Madoff the…